Confessions

14 Jul

       

Tiffany (left) & Torrie (right)

Day 2- (Actually written 07/13/2012)

So I’m gonna start today’s entry off with some confessions.LOL

# Confession #1- I only did gongyo (Buddhist prayers & daimoku) once today, and I literally only chanted for 2 frickin minutes!!!! Wait, don’t judge me lol. Let me explain. So last night I never went to sleep. I didn’t go to bed until 6am. Somehow I slept all the way until 2pm. Then, when I woke up I immediately called my mom since she’s still in the hospital. I talked to her for almost an hour because we were talking about everything the doctors said, and all the test that were ran. Then at 3pm Tiffany woke up, so we did quick gongyo so we could get showered, dressed and ready to leave. We ended up leaving the house at 4:30pm. Then we had to drive 25 minutes to Parkville, MD  to go pick up my grandmother (due to traffic it actually took 50 mins), then drove 40 minutes to Columbia, MD where my mom is hospitalized, but we stopped to get food first. We didn’t get to the hospital actually until almost 7pm due to the traffic and stopping at Chipotle for me, McDonald’s for Tiff. We stayed at the hospital until 9:50pm. (Here’s where I messed up….because the nurses and techs were constantly in and out, and my mom’s other half was there, I didn’t do gongyo with her, but did hand her her Juzu (prayer beads) liturgy book (Buddhist prayer book) and Omamori (portable Gohonzon) so she could do gongyo when we left. Then we drove almost an hour to the Super Walmart in Cockeysville, MD to take my grandmother grocery shopping. We didn’t leave there until 12:30am, then drove another 15 minutes to take my grandma home, but realized she forgot bread and bananas so we stopped at the 24 hour Wal-mart. So we didn’t drop her off until 1am, then drove 25 mins back home to Pikesville. So since it’s now technically the next day, you could say I only did gongyo once. It’s 2:12am now, so I will do gongyo again and chant at least 15 minutes before I go to bed. That sets me back on my goal of 3 hours daily though 😦 I checked my “Chant Buddy” app and it says I’ll need to chant 3 hours and 5 mins per day to reach my goal, so I will refresh my determination and start again tomorrow. I am soooooo grateful my friend and Kayo-kai sister Nichelle texted me and asked if we could chant together tomorrow morning. She said she was inspired by my determination and wants to join me. Thanks Nichelle 🙂 Then I have another opportunity to chant at 7pm with members of my district. So I am confident I will finally hit my chanting goal tomorrow. Hell, if I can, I’m going to do 6 hours just so I can have a “nest-egg” of daimoku 🙂

Confession #2 I’ve always been very ambitious, but I never accomplish much because I can’t stay committed, or I’m not dedicated enough. Not sure what the problem is. My only big accomplishments in life have been #1 Staying with the same woman for 9 years and marrying her 03/03/12 #2 Beginning the practice of Nichiren Buddhism and actually sticking with it (I told my wife Tiffany if we lasted a year, then we knew this was the right practice lol #3 We started our own franchise home based business (Organo Gold)  #4 I’ve always met or exceeded all my work quotas and often was one of the top performers in the company. I’m sure there’s been other small things I’ve accomplished, but nothing to write home about lol.

Most things I start, I don’t finish. Example…I attended college twice, majored in Philosophy and both times secured a 3.75 GPA or better, but I never made it past the first semester (the last time I withdrew from school I had a valid reason though. The point is I never went back). Since I’ve been Buddhist I’ve started and stopped maybe 4 one million daimoku campaigns. Even things I really wanted such as goals, materials items, vacations, ect, I never put much effort into obtaining it. If it didn’t come easy, I let it go. I’ve always been ambitious….having the biggest dreams, wishes, desires, yet it’s just that, dreams. I’ve been too weak and lazy. I’ve always been optimistic that things would work out, but faith without action is useless. You can’t just casually dream about stuff and live on the “hope & wish” creed. You must do what’s necessary for manifestation. I have failed to do that.

I say all this to say
#1 For the first time in my life, I feel inspired enough to “grab the bull by the horns” and actually accomplish something that’s not tied to a job quota. I attribute this to my practice of Nichiren Buddhism. In Buddhism we believe in living a life with no regrets. There’s also no such thing as a lazy Buddhist. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo (consistently) gives you the wisdom, courage and motivation to take action and be victorious.

#2 I now realize that obstacles are not meant to make you suffer. Obstacles are actually fuel to propel you into a better life. There’s a Buddhist concept called “turning poison into medicine.” Obstacles are opportunities to transform suffering into joy. Had my mom never got sick, and had I not had a ton of obstacles surface in my life, I probably would have never committed to this one million daimoku campaign. In Buddhism, chanting daimoku (Nam Myoho Renge Kyo) is the powerful sword that cuts through suffering, adversity, sadness. It not only cuts, it penetrates and coats the obstacle to turn the situation into joy, happiness, peace, learning and source of benefit. As we chant, we learn a lot about ourselves, others, grow, develop, affect positive changes in others based on changing ourselves, clean up and eradicate negative karma, create good karma, help improve the lives of others and positively affect our families 7 generations back, 7 generations forward. So being given an opportunity to chant, especially abundantly, is in itself a source of happiness, great fortune and is a blessing in disguise 🙂

# 3- Thanks to Nichiren Buddhism, SGI and the wonderful mystic law of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo for the first time in my life I have TRUE determination, faith that my prayers WILL be answered, as I have the wisdom & courage to actually take action. I won’t just have “beggars faith” and beg that my problems go away, or beg that my mom is cured and healthy, or beg that anything else good will happen. That’s NOT Buddhism. We don’t beg. The mystic law (Nam Myoho Renge Kyo) is absolute. Pray sincerely for myself and others, have faith, take action, make good causes and study Buddhism. That’s the key, that’s the formula to my answered prayers. I will trust the Gohonzon with my WHOLE life, have unshakable faith, the strongest, most focused prayers and will determine sincerely with every fiber of my being to be victorious in ALL areas of my life. Most importantly I will take action, and stay committed to fulfilling ALL prayers for the sake of Kosen-rufu!!! I will not get lazy and just give up this time. VICTORY IS MY ONLY OPTION!!! Otherwise I have failed each of you reading this, I am lying to you and making you all think this practice doesn’t work, and I am not making positive contributions for Kosen-rufu (securing lasting peace and happiness for all humankind through the propagation of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and establishing humanistic ideals of Nichiren Buddhism in society) Buddhism is a religion/philosophy of “Actual proof.” Not blind faith. I WILL show you ALL the wonderful power of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and the Gohonzon. There are over 12 million people in 192 countries and territories practicing Nichiren Buddhism with the SGI and they are experiencing benefits, answered prayers and happiness DAILY. So I can and WILL too!

I have soooo many friends in faith, senior SGI leaders, district/chapter and area leaders encouraging me, the “Writings of Nichiren Daishonin” (The Gosho—Japanese for honorific writings from the founder of this Buddhism), and messages, lectures, writings and passages from my mentor SGI President Daisaku Ikeda that inspire me to stop wasting my life, do something big, accomplish many things, pray with true determination and stop worrying and have faith in my Buddha nature and the mystic law that ALL PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED WITHOUT FAIL. There was a period where I was literally freaking out, crying constantly, extremely sad, very fearful, feeling defeated, angry and devastated that my mom had kidney failure at such a young age (45) and needed a transplant. It was like my world literally ended. Then seeing her hospitalized so many times, most recently for 17 days, I saw NO light at the end of the tunnel and just felt so sad, angry and depressed that this was happening to my sweet mommy, that I wanted to die. My mom is my best friend, sister, my everything! Now, I know with my Buddhist practice my mom’s great health with be restored. Not to mention, she practices Buddhism too, even though not consistently, she does have Gohonzon. Which means her life is protected. So having faith that even something this big can transform and be positive and have a victorious outcome, I know that all my other wishes, desires, prayers and determinations can be fulfilled too. So as I chant for my mom’s health victory and long, happy, fulfilling life, I’m going to turn some other obstacles into benefits too! How wonderful.

So say goodbye to the old, lazy, weak, cowardice, slacker Torrie. You are now looking at a crusader for Kosen-rufu. An ambassador for peace. A victorious warrior who gets ALL prayers answered. A member of SGI who can show YOU how YOUR prayers can be answered too. Watch closely, as my prayers are answered.

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